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Test Cricket is in Grave Danger, and the Big 3 Must Preserve It (Satire)

by | Jan 6, 2025 | Article Index

Collage of Pat Cummins, Rohit Sharma, and Ben Stokes - captain of Australia, India, and England (Big 3) respectively with a picture of Jay Shah in the background.

South Africa are in the World Test Championship (WTC) Finals. This must mean only one thing—Test cricket is in grave danger, and its security & stability is in question.

Hence, we must yet again summon the saviors of World Cricket—The Body of Infinite Greed, also known as the Big 3 (India, Australia, England) to pull us from this misery!

According to The Age, there has been talks of more cricket among the three nations as frequent as “twice every three years.” A record 837,739 members attended the recently concluded BumrahBorder-Gavaskar Trophy, fourth-most in Australia and most for a non-Ashes Test series. So more of these marquee series must be the solution to save Test cricket.

Historical Context

Whenever cricket is in danger, the Big 3 have come together for the greater good.

In 2007, when India and Pakistan were knocked out of the 16-team ODI World Cup and destroyed ICC’s finances, a revolutionary decision of a 10-team ODI World Cup came into being. Visionaries!

When Netherlands defeated England in the 2009 T20 World Cup or India suffered three indifferent T20 World Cup campaigns between 2009-2012, the ICC decided to add an extra ‘First Round’ barrier for the Associates (who had already arrived at the World Cup with a grueling qualifying campaign).

Now that India and the Bazballers, England have been knocked out of the WTC Finals, it is time to reduce the WTC to 3 teams.

Proposed World Test Championship (WTC) Grouping

Solution: To ‘save’ Test create, the International Cricket Circus Council (ICC) shall ratify the creation of a two-tiered Test Championship without relegation and promotion.

  • In Group 1, there will be three teams—England, Australia, India.
    • Each series will consist of a minimum of 5 Tests (at least 20 Tests per team in the cycle).
  • Group 2 will contain the rest of 9 teams.
    • Each series will consist of a maximum of 2 Tests.
  • The winner of Group 1 will compete in the World Test Championship Final in a 3-match Test series (with one match each at the Lord’s, Wankhede, and the MCG).
  • The loser of Group 1 will play the winner of Group 2 for unofficial brownie points that has no consequence.

This proposal will have multiple benefits. For example, Australia’s burden to be morally correct all the time will be taken away from them since they will now automatically skip the Afganistan, Zimbabwe, and Bangladesh tours.

Similarly, India will not have the shame of losing 0-3 to New Zealand at home if they never play the Kiwis again.

What is a Possible Calendar for Group 1?

There has been a lack of Test matches between India, Australia, and England recently. Even an expansion to a 5-match Border-Gavaskar Trophy just doesn’t seem enough.

Here is a possible 2-year cycle with the holy grail of world cricket, the IPL, in the center. You know, there are not enough English & Australian cricketers in the IPL, so they may even expand the number of teams in the future.

Month/YearFixture
Nov-FebEngland Tour of India (5 Tests)
Mar-June16-Team IPL
Jul-AugIndia Tour of England (5 Tests)
Aug-SeptIPL in England (The Hundred)
OctICC Trophy (ODI World Cup/Champions Trophy/T20 World Cup)
Nov-JanIndia Tour of Australia (5 Tests)
Nov-JanIPL in Australia (The Big Bash League)
FebODI Tri-Series (Ind-Aus-Eng)
Mar-June 18-Team IPL
Jul-AugThe Ashes: Australia Tour of England (5 Tests)
Aug-SeptIPL in England (The Hundred)
OctICC Trophy (ODI World Cup/Champions Trophy/T20 World Cup)
Nov-FebAustralia Tour of India (5 Tests)

What about the format and detailed calendar of Group 2? Have I given it any thought you ask?

Yes, I have but that’s not important. Who cares about Sri Lanka, Pakistan, South Africa, West Indies, Afghanistan, Zimbabwe, Ireland anyway?

(You didn’t even notice that I totally skipped over New Zealand & Bangladesh, did ya?)

In any case, let’s skip that and march towards a more important discussion—the India-Pakistan non-rivalry, whose sole purpose is to enhance the pockets of the ICC.

Also Read: How Much Money Does it take the ICC to Host a Cricket World Cup? (Case Study)

Annual Asia Cup

In addition to the annual ICC Trophies, an annual Asia Cup is to be held in an undisclosed neutral location until one week before the trophy in whatever two weeks you can find in the cricketing calendar.

The unbiased randomized groups will be as follows:

  • Group 1: India, Pakistan
    • India-Pakistan will play 3 matches.
    • Winner of Group 1 goes to the Finals
  • Group 2: Sri Lanka, Bangladesh, Afghanistan, Nepal, Hong Kong, UAE
    • Each team plays against each other once
    • Winner of this group plays the loser of Group 1 in a Playoffs match for the second finalist spot.

We Must Preserve the Bumrahs of the World

Bumrah’s breakdown on the last day of the BGT series was disheartening to see. We must preserve the Bumrahs, Cummins, and Stokes’ of this world.

England have tried, tested, and failed with the rest, rotation, and retirement policy (see, Jimmy Anderson).

Ensuring the calendar only consists of the IPL and playing only two teams (with frequent breaks) will save these great cricketers.

(The Rabadas of the world are less important in the larger scheme of things, so we do not consider the non-Big 3 case).

But How will the West Indies earn money without England or India Touring?

We all know that countries like West Indies, New Zealand, and South Africa lose money while hosting a Test. So, why should they bother hosting Tests at all? How will they earn money if India or England stop touring?

The BCCI will not leave others behind, don’t worry. As Anurag Thakur said in 2016,

“The BCCI is against the two-tier Test system because the smaller countries will lose out and the BCCI wants to take care of them.”

Such an empathetic organization, the BCCI. So, how can the BCCI help them?

I have a brilliant idea: The 3-day Red Carpet Auction tour.

Let’s take the CPL for example (Caribbean IPL). This will be a star-studded three-day extravaganza where (1) the CPL auction is televised and marketed like never before to make money for the broadcasting companies, (2) CPL cricketers are paid hefty checks to skip Test cricket, and (3) Indian cricketers get a paid holiday to the Caribbean.

This will enrich the WICB without them having to pay millions of dollars to host Test cricket!

Alright, maybe this last idea was way off the charts.

Final Thoughts

This was meant to be a satirical article, but I think Jay Shah might actually take this as a serious proposal.

Jokes aside, the main issue is that preserving marquee series like the BGT and the Ashes, while trying to expand Test cricket. Cricket cannot claim to be a serious international sport with only 3 prospering countries.

What is the Cricket World Saying?

There have been several arguments for or against the two-tiered system. Here is a CricBlog’s thoughtful piece of how the two-tiered system could be detrimental for cricket.

Several former cricketers have welcomed the two-tiered system and more matches among the ‘top teams.’ Vaughan has been a proponent of a two-tiered system and recently penned an article with some interesting thoughts: A two-tiered system will save Test cricket. Here’s why.

(Side Note: Why wouldn’t he? Vaughan was commenting on the BGT tour even though he wasn’t from Australia or India. Former cricketers get contracting gigs by broadcasting companies. They won’t earn the same and stay relevant if they instead covered the Zimbabwe-Afghanistan series). Resources need to be distributed not only in hosting the matches, but also for higher quality broadcasting, commentating, umpiring, and standardized technology across the globe.

In all reality, a proper unbiased two-tiered system might never happen as articulated by Michael Holding:

Test cricket over the last few months has been nothing short of exhilarating.

Yes, the BGT was awesome, but NZ’s victory against India, England in Pakistan, young South Africa’s resurgence, Sri Lanka’s rise, Rahmat Shah & Rashid Khan’s heroics were the moments that made Test cricket really special over the last year.

Yes, we must preserve Test cricket. But we must preserve it for all.

If You’re Actually Wondering How I Would Actually Solve Problems in Cricket, Check out the following:

© Copyright @Nitesh Mathur and Broken Cricket Dreams, LLC 2023. Originally published on 01/06/2024\5. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Broken Cricket Dreams with appropriate and specific direction to the original content (i.e. linked to the exact post/article).

Nitesh Mathur

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